Building Homes in Yous (poem)

I built homes in

tiny

twin-sized beds

extra-long to accommodate the

taller residents

built forts in their

bedroom blankets

comforters tried

to stoke the fires

of fluorescent light bulbs

turned dim in the

dark night roasted

ramen microwave

meals made with stained

sink water, filtered

but unfixed, I left

pieces of home behind

when I exchanged one broken

dorm door for

another.

Garden

I built you a garden inside

my heart

Tended it

every day

Planted seeds

watered

weeded

and loved

But the plants only grew

on my side of the garden.

I planted more

watered better

weeded more often

and loved harder

But the seedlings never

poked through

on your side of the garden.

Move-in Day

You placed your hands on my chest and pulled –

You didn’t have to try very hard.

My seams unraveled for you,

revealing the space inside.

You climbed in

– first your left boot,

then your right.

Tried to tiptoe but

stomped instead.

Wore down the floors

of my heart

and made me tender.

You hummed inside my annex

and it echoed in the emptiness.

You stepped out

left me hollow

but came back

with a

sofa

            desk

            refrigerator

            and bed

and arranged them within my chest.

Hung curtains on my ribcage

to keep the sun from shining in.

It’s been dark in there

and the light must come in

slow.

You pulled my seams back together

and they knit tighter than before,

hoping to keep you in.

Your clothes aren’t here yet

but maybe that takes

time.

Untitled Prose Poem 1

The bird bent her head to the small, flat dish and nibbled on a saltine. Beside it sat two pieces of celery which she chomped into small bites with her sharp beak and which fell from her mouth and cluttered the ground. Hunger clung to her ribs like a safety blanket, her narrow bones protruding at odd angles.

            Her mother landed beside her, offering her the full course she held in her talons.

            “Eat,” she said, but her daughter turned to the celery and continued her slow chomping. “Please,” her mother begged.

But instead the girl straightened from her meal and flew away.

When the Love Runs Out

When the love runs out
it will use the household vents
to escape

it will drift out with the heat
leaving you with the air conditioning
you so desired.

Drama Belongs on the Counter

Drama belongs on the counter
where it can be kneaded
unneeded
chopped into blocks
of misunderstanding
spiced and spiked
with too many words
baked, roasted, fried
until it comes out beautiful.

Is This How You Get Undressed

Is this how
you get

undressed
until your

naked skin
glistening with

sweat dripping
down your

back sticking
to mine.

Is this how
you get

undressed
your ticklish

fingers creeping
fabric up toward

my head is
spinning with

thoughts competing
for attention.

Is this how
you get

undressed
first your

shirt tucked in
to your

skirt spread
out on the

bed before
nudity.

Is this
how

you get
undressed.

You Leave Burn Marks with Your Fingers

My lips locked between yours

like a puzzle

fingers interlaced with hair

Set me on fire

You kissed my collarbone

up the crevice in my neck

dipped down to the space

between my breasts

left kiss-shaped marks

like cigarette burns

Your fingers fit perfectly

into the little dimples

of my lower back

pressing down like buttons

heating the space

between

Your hand wrapped around my ribs

clicked into its niche betwixt

my rib bones and breast

It was made just for you

to hold, to heat

to burn

Your knees woven into mine

beneath the quilt

light fingers tracing

electric patterns

Your touch leaves burn marks

where you’ve sealed me to you.

恋の意味は何でしょう

『.大好き』と言うと

どんな意味でしょう？

あなたが

とても好き

と言う意味？

それとも、

あなたなら

何でもできる

と言う意味？

『愛してる』と言うと

どんな意味でしょう？

『大好き』より

強い言葉

と言う意味？

それとも、

あなたが

必要な人

と言う意味？

『恋してる』と言うと

どんな意味でしょう？

あなたなら

何でもできる

と言う意味だ。

『愛してる』より

強い言葉

と言う意味だ。

それに、

永遠まで

一緒にいたい

と言う意味だ。

毎日

おはよう-

あなたの笑顔を

毎朝

見てほしいよ。

こんにちわ-

毎日午後、

あなたと一緒に

手をつないで

公園に散歩に行きたい。

こんばんわ-

毎晩、

あなたの可愛いくて

静かな

ささやきを聞きたい。

おやすみ-

でも、

それまで、

待っているぞ。

Lake Lansing

The sun sneaks behind the lake

peeking pink and purple

hello

the lake is sleeping

A silent lull of

nothing blankets the lake, the cluttered

dock in lifejackets

the reflection shining home

Two dock cranes watch

the water, waiting

for the bursts of light

life that will scare them away

Pale yellow claims the clouded sky

good morning

a new breeze shivers the lake

My mother calls it “pond.”

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Open window

birds fly past

fleeting, greeting,

coo, coo

one flew

just out of my grasp

chirping hello

to the other it met

why isn’t there anyone

to tweet

that to me?

As I emptied the shed...

As I emptied the shed

I watched the couples,

 passers-by with hands

so hard and hollow

they could hold more

than mine.

The Understanding of a Poem

I don’t know where

you are

god-

forsaken

allusive

meaning

I have found

you in

her eyes

and his hands

great and strong

you are done

everything

I have searched

you out

groping, grasping

I have worked

hard, hoping

you will come

into focus

you have been

found

in distant lands

literature, hidden

in html

I don’t know where

you are

god-

forsaken

allusive

you

don’t know what

I’ll do when I

find you.

Fog

The fog is lifting. Finally. I had begun to believe that it would be with me forever.

As the fog recedes, the clouds linger in the sky, gray and frowning as if they’re not done, haven’t shed enough tears on us yet. The thickness of their confusion hangs in the air and it’s that kind of humidity that sticks to you, gets inside of you so that no matter where you go or how you try to escape it, it’s there, latched onto you, almost murderous in its insistence.

So of course it’s one of those kinds of days, the days when I feel entrapped in my own skin, not to mention in my own home – one of those days where you dream of obliterating your soul and excommunicating your heart. And all I can say is, thank God the fog is gone.

Have you ever had one of those days?

Today, I want to run. Or hide. Or both, even, simultaneously, if only it were possible. I’ve somehow managed to lodge myself in the one-foot-and-however-many-inches of space between my bed and my desk, and who knows if I can get out again, but it doesn’t really matter because nobody can see me here and they’ll all leave me alone while I attempt to purge my entire being of these feelings, the ones I can’t describe but make you feel too full and absolutely vacant at the same time.

There’s that damn fog again, creeping in as though if it moves slowly enough, I won’t notice it, won’t recognize that it had only gone on a brief coffee break and has now returned for me. I crush my eyes shut, vainly attempting to pull myself inside myself, hoping against hope that if I contract enough muscles and pull in enough limbs, the fog won’t see me, won’t know I’m here, will let me get on with life and won’t descend upon me once again.

And now I realize how stupid it was to trap myself here, in this minuscule space where nobody can see me, nobody, that is, except the fog. I reach a hand towards my face, to wipe away the tears that I suppose I’ve been crying this entire time. The fog sees my weakness and plunges towards me again, no longer shy but back in full force, in control of me. It penetrates me, filling me with an emptiness, the kind of emptiness you welcome when you’re as broken as I am.

We Miss the Beauty that's Already in Our Hands

As we age, we grow inconsiderate of the under-appreciated attributes of life.

Like day-dreaming. I realized today that it's been longer than I can remember since I lay in bed, just awakening or on my way to sleep, and created a fantasy story to comfort, enjoy, or simply amuse myself. I will re-embrace this beauty.

Playing pretend. We do it so well in our minds, to ourselves, but we get "too old" to "play house". I would like to re-embrace this, but I'm not sure if I know how.

Smiling and being amused by every little, simple thing. I think I find this through children; they make me beam and glow with joy. I love babies, children, people....

Yourself. There was a time when I didn't care about how thin my thighs were, how flat and taut my stomach was, or whether my clothes were flattering...when we "grow up", we learn not to love ourselves the way we are.

These are the under-appreciated things I hope to recapture.

Eating Disorders - What You Know and What You Won't Admit

After my last poem on bulimia nervosa, I feel that it is time for me to confront one of my Top 5 concerns - eating disorders.

First of all, stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Throw out the scale. I highly doubt that you are morbidly obese if you're that obsessed with weight.

Next, take down the posters of those women you want to look like. Your body is not the same as their bodies. Is Beyonce ever going to look like Avril Lavigne? Absolutely not. Likewise, you cannot look like somebody else. (Guys, this applies to you as well.)

Now let's look at some of the health issues that occur with eating disorders (as seen in Deal With It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL, 185-187).

Many celebrities have battled at least one eating disorder.

Anorexia nervosa
Loss of hair on head
Growth of soft, downy hair ("lanugo") on face, back, and arms (the body needs this hairy layer for body warmth)
Loss of menstruation or irregular periods (without food, hormone levels drop, alerting the body it cannot support a fetus)
Dry skin and brittle hair and fingernails
Cool grayish or yellow skin
Lowered body temperature and blood pressure
Slowed reflexes (from slowed heart rate and thyroid function)
Premature loss of bone density
Constipation
Swollen joints
Muscle atrophy
Kidney and heart failure in the most extreme cases 

Bulimia nervosa
Noticeable weight fluctuations in short periods of time
Period disappears for more than three cycles
Constipation
Damage and discolored teeth (stomach acids erode tooth enamel)
Heartburn and/or bloating
Lung irritation and damage (choking while vomiting causes food particles to lodge in lungs, causing inflammation)
Weakness
Irregular heartbeat
Kidney damage caused by chronic loss of body fluids
Salivary gland enlargement (looks like a bad case of the mumps)
Puffy eyelids and face
Bloodshot or watery eyes from vomiting 
Sores or calluses on back of hand used for purging (where teeth scrape skin)
Dehydration and depletion of important minerals
Hormonal imbalance
Chronic sore throat

And here's the real kicker, everyone - anorexia and bulimia can kill you.

I know everyone looks at these health issues and says Oh, that wouldn't happen to me, or I'm not that extreme, but telling yourself that is like the smokers who insist that they can quit "any time". The question that comes up, then, is Why haven't you?

You're all thinking these are extreme cases and that they don't apply to you or your friends. But they do. Just like any other addiction (because eating disorders can absolutely be addictions), these behaviors will escalate if allowed to progress. Nip it in the bud, as the expression goes.

Happy eating.

For the world was loved but sad and the girl said, "Come, my children, and let us cry the sad and joyous tears the world cannot shed for herself."

Sometimes, I cry for the world.

I cry for the excruciating pain and suffering every soul feels.

I cry for the beauty we take for granted until it's gone.

I cry grateful tears for the gifts we are given but no one seems to appreciate.

I cry for society's ignorance.

I cry for wealth and poverty.

I cry for the cruelties everyone must endure.

I cry for the selfish and the selfless.

I cry, for the beauty of it all overwhelms me.

I cry the bittersweet tears the world would shed if it could.

I Want to Help You

I want to help you.

I want to wrap you up and hold you in my heart where you will be safe and surrounded by nothing but love.

I want to give you everything I have. I want to give you my money, my love, my scholarships, my life.

I want to show you all the beauty that you're surrounded but somehow not consumed by. I want to impress upon you the immeasurable beauty of family and friends.

I want to teach you to be grateful. I want to turn your anger to joy. I want to make you smile and keep on smiling.

I want to help you.

Be Grateful

For the boy who always told me how amazing life is - I understand now.

The world doesn't know what it has.

People don't realize what they have. They don't sit back and

think, Wow. It's amazing, what I've been graced with. Instead, they see what they could have, but don't. The world is ungrateful.

People don't think, Man, I've got a roof over my head and food in my stomach. They think, I wish I had a big screen TV and oh, a 3D BlueRay player would be nice.

People don't look at the sky when the sun is gloriously shining and realize how beautiful life is. They don't smile at the way the light reflects off the water just so.

People don't smile, knowing someone loves them. They remember the people who don't and those they wish did. They don't sit down with a cup of tea and think, I am so lucky as they recall how their dad used to sit down just the same way, with them in his lap. The world doesn't know how it's loved.

The world doesn't know what it has.

Be grateful.